Full Speed Ahead
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
1 Corinthians 13:11-12
We have times in our lives when we wish we could go back and change the past. Thinking the thoughts of “I wish I hadn’t done that”, “I could have done that differently”, or even “I never should have said that! What was I thinking?” I think we’ve all been there at one time or another…
Recently, I was faced with a situation that came out of my distant past. I hadn’t been completely honest with someone and had forgotten about the situation. Well needless to say that conversation came around again and I tried to cover up my cover up, and things fell apart. I carried around guilt, shame, and self-condemnation for weeks… Here I was a church employee, worship leader, & singer in a Christian band and I had failed miserably. I carried the weight of this, and the enemy started reminding me of my past mistakes. This didn’t help my condition lol I felt sick for weeks.
The internal struggle was tearing me apart and I began to believe the lies that I was being fed. Even though I knew in my head that they weren’t true. It took my spirit quite some-time to find rest in knowing that my past isn’t what defines me. Its the grace of God through Jesus that does! He knows me and loves me deeply, and He doesn’t measure me by what I’ve done. But by what Jesus has done… So comforting!
After this season passed, I was wrestling through what I had learned. I began to form this mental picture of young pioneers headed west in wagon trains. Impressionable, innocent, and prone to mistakes. Full Speed Ahead is a recounting of the time they realized the world was not what they thought it was. Using imagery of rising storms and lurking demons helped me process what we’ve talked about so far. As I prayed through these things I began to equate the lies as a characteristic of youth, and thats where it all came together!
1 Corinthians 13:11-12 talks about putting off childish things, thus inspiring the line “I buried my youth in a roadside grave”. I know… its a heavy and almost grotesque lyric for a Christian song… But I feel like it drives home the point that we’re to put those lies to death, bury them, and walk fully into the grace the Lord has for us. This song is all about the struggle of not being defined by what you’ve done, but rather by whats been done for you. To know that I (we) are fully known & fully loved by God.